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January 22, 2021: Bobby Russ

Today is a day of various mixed emotions. Guess what? That's okay. Life is like that at times. There are things that weigh heavy on my mind today. Sadness, happiness, and so much more...

Today marks the 6th month anniversary of her being taken away from us too soon. There are so many emotions associated with it. On a day like this, I miss her greatly. I imagine the things we could have done in this time period, but I also think of all the things that she missed. Some of them I am happy that she did. Renee was someone who loved to enjoy life. In one of our chats that we had about what we would do if the other had passed, I remember her telling me she'd want me to enjoy life. That's what I have tried to do while balancing my responsibilities to her, to our family, and to myself.

I purposefully took time off of work to be able to fully process and enjoy some time away. It reminds me of many of the opportunities that I've been lucky to share with her. One of the things that I loved is that she participated in one of my bucket list items... getting season tickets for a year with the Miami Dolphins. She came to most of the games with me. Unless they played the Bears, she would support me during the whole season. It was one of those great things. One of the pictures below is one that she took of herself on one such trip wearing a Dolphins hat. We were driving down to Miami.

She also loved the water. There are many trips I could talk about with her to a beach or waterway. We often would take visitors to one or the other. We've been on several boats over the years. The smile I'd see on her face always warmed my heart. My goal was always to try to help her be happy. It's something I would like to think I was very successful in. Her laugh was infectious. She actually was able to make me laugh at any time with a simple little trick. It's just amazing to think about the last decade. All the great things I got to experience with her. Was it all perfect? Absolutely not. We had rough times, but through it all I knew we were there to support each other. It's what matters the most. We talked and worked through all the trials and tribulations that come through life. We had dreams together... some of them we fulfilled, some of them we did not.

That's the challenge now. Renee wouldn't want me to stop dreaming. I've fought through the last 6 months to keep myself positive and keep dreaming. It's a process. Life continues on. We don't know how many days we have left. This is a lesson I am very well versed in now. So, I try to balance the future and now. With this said, I care about so many things and I won't let anything take that away. I know she'd be happy with my progress as I was always happy when she succeeded.

The final picture that I want to share on this anniversary. It was a snapshot I took of her. She was at the water line looking towards the water. She was peaceful, relaxed, enjoying the moment. This is just one of a million memories I have of her like this. On this day, I know that Renee is at peace with no worries. This brings me comfort. She was taken too soon from us, but her joy, her smiles, and her desire to help others will not be forgotten. Part of that will always live with me and others that she impacted. Next time you reach a waterway, just listen for her in the lapping of the waves. You'll hear her calm as I do.